Journal Up Date: Fifteen Weeks

Back when we had babies, my husband’s suckling was his idea. It was usually foreplay, though not always.  He at one time even suggested that we try to keep my milk just for him. The baby was weaning himself, and my milk would soon be gone.  We made an attempt, but we did not know what we were doing and never worked out a schedule. 

This time it was my idea. I felt us drifting and I had been dreaming of him at my breasts. We had an issue come up that caused some distance in our relationship. I dreamed again that night that he suckled me. In the dream everything was OK afterwards. This gave me the courage to bring up my desire to him. We decided to give it a try.

At first the sensuality of it all was obviously enjoyed by him. I did not know I would enjoy it as much as did. It took me by surprise. It is so much better than when we had babies, both physical and emotionally. It was all too good to be true. I figured that some of this would wear off over time. I worried that for him, once the excitement and newness was gone that he would change his mind. 

We started over three months ago. It doesn’t sound like long until you think of it as a quarter of a year. Three to five times a day, (usually four,) is about 500 times of setting everything else aside and suckle nipples. Where does that leave us?

 Well, the newness is gone and the excitement has changed. We no longer have sex four times a day. LOL. The erotica of it is still there, just not every time. When we are tired it is more of a comfort than an excitement.

For me the morning and night time are the most special. This is usually done skin to skin and un-rushed. It is a “starting” and “ending” of each day. Like two matching bookends… It is hard, if not impossible, to describe how much more defined each day is. They are not running together any more… the beginning and ending of each day is clearer.  The individuality and value of each day is more pronounced. Also, no matter how the day goes, I know that it started well and will end well. Now matter how busy the day gets, or how far in different directions we end up running, we will be together at the start and end of each day. We will not only be together for at least twenty minutes of intimacy, we will be embraced skin to skin,  lips to nipples, and heart to heart. If it leads to intercourse, it has a very deep intimate nature going to a spiritual level. With or without the sex, we have renewed and even increased our bond. The day or night that follows is more special because of it.

The two mid day suckles are much different, but special each in their own way. They are less emotionally intimate, and more “fun.” I don’t want to turn this one post into a book so I will tell you about them later. (Now don’t get mad.  hee hee.)

I must get on to the milk…

How could I have known that the milk would mean this much?  It is not necessary for the bonding and the other advantages created by the hormones and the setting aside these special times to come together and focus on “us.” Yet, it is playing a big part. To be honest, for me, it’s importance is the joy it brings him.

I have yet to get him to explain to me why he enjoys it so much. He tells me how wonderful it tastes and feels in his mouth and the contentment it brings to his stomach. It reminds me of the old saying that, “The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.” He has always been quite the connoisseur of fine food, but I know it has to be more than that. There is definitely an erotic element! There is also seems more revolving around the milk that he has not clarified. He proved this by something he said. Not knowing just how anonymous I can keep our identity… I do not want to reveal what he said, but it has to do with, “I know how much you love me because….”  This had to do with the milk and not the suckling. I never would have guessed that I could express my love in such a simple way, but for him to even say that proves to me that he really does know how much I love him. He is quiet about his feelings, as most men seem to be, and this was a golden moment. The milk has been my window to his heart; I still don’t know why. Without knowing the why, I can still treasure the result. I know that it says, “I love you”, and it must say, “I love you enough that you are safe to open up to me.”

It has not grown old, only deeper and deeper. I think it can not get any better, and then it does.

It has not turned into any kind of fetish. It is still only a part of our life and does not consume it. The desire does not control us. We do not find ourselves suckling for hours or suckling at the expense of other areas of our life.

He says my milk supply is slowing increasing. I have not measured, but he has guessed at least a couple ounces per session. My breasts have gone from barely filling a B cup to fully filling a C cup, and when full, overflowing the C cup. I have bought a D cup yet, but I probably should. I don’t wear bras much. Now when I do wear them, they are too tight. I have to admit my breasts and my nipples are more youthful looking and have added to my confidence in my appearance, both clothed and naked.

I feel very womanly. I feel more complete, more nurturing, and content. My attitude is more positive. My demeanor is peaceful. I am loving life, and I feel generous and want to share or spread happiness to others. These attributes have aided not only my marriage, but also my relationship with my children. I also feel it is easier to keep my faith up. My heart is full of praise to my God for giving me such an abundant life, not just materially, but one full of good relationships, peace, security, love, and most of all one full of meaning.Each day is a blessing and our ANR and what it has brought me is good part of that.