What do many women have in common with irons? In order for most of us to respond to and/or instigate sexual play in the bedroom (bathroom, the woods, etc.), we need to be warmed up…just like irons. How this is accomplished is probably different for each woman. However, talking with my women friends over the years has revealed some very common needs.
Of course there are exceptions…many women have reported becoming quickly aroused and have enjoyed many a “quickie”; I enjoy these from time to time, but even my quickies are fueled by thinking about sex throughout the day which serves to warm me up in preparation for those encounters. Thinking about sex with my husband when we are busy throughout the day definitely put our sex life on the fast track…it was the catalyst for my very own sexual reawakening earlier this year. The mind is a very powerful thing
Attitude is everything! Have you heard that phrase before? Well, maybe it’s NOT everything, but it sure goes a long way in many aspects of my life. My thinking about sex and all of the fun filled fantasies that I cook up for my husband have led me to think of myself in a different light. For the first time in my life, I started to think of myself as sexy! Oh, I always knew that my DH thought of me that way, but it is truly a different thing when a woman starts thinking about herself that way especially out of the bedroom. “Sexy” is an attitude that I have come to enjoy…it makes me feel beautiful and even more desired by my husband. I will never forget the day that my grown children attended church with us one Sunday. One of my daughters had her arm around my waist while singing, mine around her back. As we began to sit down after singing a hymn, she unintentionally slid her hand down my backside. The dress I was wearing was not tight, but the fabric allowed her to feel right through to my undies. Imagine the look on her face when she asked me, “Mom, are you wearing a thong”?! Thank goodness I didn’t go commando that day! LOL. My new sexy ‘tude has carried over into my clothing…not being trashy or immodest…but with a few new surprises. Oh, what was my response to my daughter’s question? I replied, “Honey, I may be old, but I’m not dead yet”!
Talking with my mate! Truly the most intimate thing that my husband can do with me is to TALK with me. Recently, I read this poll that asked what men and women wanted most in a relationship. To my surprise, it was friendship for both. But that really makes sense doesn’t it? Both sexes want to have a trusting friendship first and foremost with their significant other. Think back to when you were first dating your one true love. I bet you spent hours talking on the phone or in person. You couldn’t spend enough time together or hear one another’s voice often enough. Even though we are married some years now and are together much of the day, I still love the sound of my husband’s voice…it is extremely sexy to me. I love it when he calls and leaves me a message on my cell phone; I save his voice messages. When you combine his touch with his voice together it sends me over the edge. When Hubby talks to me throughout the day it really warms me up…like that iron.
About human touch. Volumes have been written on the subject but this will be brief. My husband and I reach out to one another throughout the day. It is so reassuring and comforting. His touch sends tingles all over my body and his smile makes me feel “butterflies” in my belly. Our touch, through a kiss, hug or grazing of a hand over a waist, no matter how brief seems to say, “I notice you; I love you” without using any words. It is a powerful thing.
His eyes! Oh, girls…does your man give you “that look”? I can’t even describe it. It is a look that just melts my heart and excites me all at the same time. It is a look that is reserved only for me…his girl. It is sacred and precious. I am tearing up right now as I see it in my mind’s eye. So many non-verbal cues can be used to make sure that your mate knows that you treasure them, love them and are desirous only of them.
Most women and men fulfill multiple roles in their marriages and families. As women, many of these years are spent being a wife, mother, student and wage-earner…often coming home exhausted only having to start dinner the minute they walk in the door. Men are tired too, mentally and physically from the heavy demands regarding work, school and the responsibilities they bear for their families. The realities of life, hard work both in and out of the home drain us of precious time and energy. But intimacy with our mates must be kept a priority…it keeps us connected in a way that is not shared with anyone else. It is precious, priceless and critical. Intimacy comes in many forms. Some couples experience tremendous challenges…emotional and physical challenges that dictate being more creative to achieve intimate closeness, but it is so worth it. Many of you may being experiencing some of these challenges right now. Please share with us on this very important topic. Everyone has different and unique challenges when it comes to maintaining intimacy. No one is exempt.
These are some of the most prominent thoughts that came into my mind regarding how I get “warmed up”…there are others. Everyone is different and you may have different thoughts or needs that you would like to share with us here. Don’t be shy; you never know how your experiences or advice might help others.
Blessings to you and yours,
Luvmyhub
The question of what will reliably turn women on 100% of the time, no matter her state of mind, has been the subject of much backroom banter, many talk shows, and countless late night infomercials, all of which is utterly subject to Sturgeon’s Law.
There’s also been some kerfuffle recently about a newly-developed “Female Viagra,” and the usual nonsense about “how many marriages it will improve” or “how I’d buy cases of it for her” or “don’t trust it, trust my website instead for talking and preening in the right way to get women to flock to you!”
Me, I get mildly disgusted any time I see those TV commercials for the latest drugs to treat erectile dysfunction. I don’t like how they imply that swallowing a pill will make your intimate relationship the envy of the neighbourhood. What they don’t tell you is that how much it doesn’t actually change. For the sake of argument, a prescribed medication that let you lift 20% more weight would not by itself change your lifestyle to be any healthier, nor would it automatically make people more interested in your body, let alone tell you how to use that newfound strength in an appropriate way.
By the same token, ED drugs don’t by themselves improve a relationship. They don’t make either partner a better person. They also don’t make either partner any more willing to find out what the other needs and how to fulfill them.
Reading your post was a refreshing break from all the silliness about magic pills and the “war of the sexes”–assuming nothing is wrong with either partner’s anatomy and no outstanding traumas or bad habits learned from years of experience are there, all that’s necessary to get both hot from each other is the dedication to make this and the other parts of the relationship work, the willingness to think in intimate and erotic terms, and the openness to achieve the necessary communication. It’s hard work, which may be why this solution has simply gone unnoticed by many.
I sure wish there was a way to help all young people learn the importance of working well to keep an intimate relationship healthy and honest. Really, where do people learn about relating to others well, let alone potential future mates in a courteous, civil, caring, and honest way? No one is charged with teaching children or teenagers these important values–there is no test they must pass or the like.
Just like I said earlier on this blog, the job of raising the next generation to become responsible, ethical, and moral citizens is given very short shrift. On a similar note, while sex education is very much talked about, I don’t see much of “healthy, honest, and happy intimate relationships education” around, leaving many to stumble through it, picking up little if anything.
It’s high time more people learned about the importance of this knowledge. There’s enough suffering in the world caused by its lack–unhappy or broken marriages/relationships/families, and all the fallout that can cause.
Signed,
TrashCanFoundling.
Your comment demonstrates some serious thought regarding many issues that destroy or prevent healthy intimate relationships. I found myself wanting to “high five” you with every paragraph that I read. Thank you for your insight.
Despite our differing circumstances, I’m glad we agree on these principles at least. As children the fairy tales most of us hear about depict how effortlessly those fictional figures fall in love and live happily ever after, and no one’s charged with telling those young people the truth about intimate relationships and ensuring they understand it.
The fallout from these misunderstandings and lack of commitment towards cultivating a healthy sexuality to help sustain an intimate relationship is quite real. The NY Times recently published an interesting article for women who can’t or won’t cultivate a healthy sexual desire, and it can be found here:
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/11/29/magazine/29sex-t.html?pagewanted=1&_r=1&em
There’s also a message board I read from time to time that’s dedicated to people in (formerly) intimate relationships getting support for what they call “Mismatched Libidos,” which can be found here:
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rlclashing
Reader beware though . . . it’s a real Heartbreak Hotel in there. I’m sure you’ll find plenty of food for thought and/or blog entries there, though.
Signed,
TrashCanFoundling
I read the NY Times article and briefly went to the ivillage to read their lead-ins. Interesting reads.
Often, I wonder if people focus more on the results of their problems rather than the source of them. Men and women do have real physiological and emotional issues regarding their libidos. Many medications, especially blood pressure meds. and those for ADD and ADHD often affect libido negatively…but not permanently. There are remedies that can help…some simple and quick research on-line would prove helpful for those in need. Patience combined with love and a commitment to overcome issues that prevent intimacy just scream…”I love you and am willing to do what ever it takes to help you and/or us get where we need to go”.
A safe and secure relationship where trust is key goes a long way in regards to libido for both men and women.
The human psyche is a powerful thing. For women, many things can be turned on or off quickly by just the tone of our true love’s voice. If we sense our man is pleased then we feel confident to move forward to the next step, in or out of the bedroom. Feeling completely accepted whether our sessions prove “successful” or not also goes a long way to propel relationships to the next level. Sometimes our bodies just don’t want to work right for one reason or another. This is where our attitudes and our response is so critical. I sometimes feel disappointed in myself (that human nature stuff) if I am unable to accomplish my “love” mission, but I am NEVER disappointed in my hubby. And I never feel like we failed! Any opportunity to be intimate with my husband in any way IS a success!
True love knows no bounds; true love isn’t selfish. I think that many people just want to be satisfied rather than seek to satisfy. I find so much pleasure in pleasing my husband; we love and trust each other; neither one of us is ever left out…we take care of each other one way or another. For us, intimacy occurs in many different forms. Our minds are open and free to explore the many different avenues…the way I believe God intended it. Our most recent being our ANR. This type of intimacy is so different from the others…maybe ’cause we think we are in this very small pool of couples who are enjoying it. It is always a precious time when we connect in this way…one of our favorites.
But I continue to keep that iron warmed up. That mental part of me allows me to be receptive at any given time when I keep it alert and “ever ready”. Knowing that men and women are truly different in this way (most men being ready at any given second, LOL) I want to do all that I can to please my mate and be ready for action…I see it not only as part of my responsibility but more my desire knowing that my body does work differently. I want it to always work well…for my loving husband!
Blessings,
Luvmyhub
Luvmyhub,
I really enjoyed this post.
I laughed at your daughter’s surprise when she realized your pantie choice. I was with my daughters, Christmas shopping last year, when I picked out a tiny red, almost totally transparent teddy with red fur trimmings, a thong, and a Santa’s hat to wear to bed on Christmas Eve. My married daughter smiled, my teen blushed and laughed, and my grade schooler thought the hat was great. LOL.
One of the reasons I enjoy winter is because I can layer on the lacy and silk under my clothes for everyday wearing. I enjoy the silkiness against my skin as I move. It makes my mind wonder and keeps me warm and ready for action.
As the busy time of preparing for the holiday, with children’s school programs, church programs, company dinners, visiting relatives, decorating, shopping, and prepare gobs of traditional foods over takes our not only our calendars, but our thoughts and energy, we need to remember that it is all supposed to be about relationships. In remembering that, we do need to remember to keep our mate in the forefront of your thoughts. Then expend your energy there first, using any remaining energy for the important, but less important, commitments you have made.
There are times when I do mistakenly crawl under the covers and my mind is racing about the next days responsibilities and problems. It doesn’t last long. Bosoming starts, and all my cares for the time being vanish, and are replaced with the sensations of warmth, bare skin, embracing, and little moans of pleasure. Everything but the two of us is forgotten.
I like to keep the engine warm, but for the times I haven’t, bosoming has been the jump start I needed.
His Milkmaid
His Milkmaid,
I like how you and TCF honed in on the focus being on relationships. It is so easy for me to become task oriented and, for a moment, lose sight of what is truly important. And as TrashCanFoundling stated relationships take work. Anything worth doing takes some real time, effort and work.
One thing that I failed to mention in my post is that even when I am exhausted at the end of the day…IF I KEEP MY MENTAL IRON WARMED UP…then my tired body somehow finds some energy hidden somewhere (I’m not sure really where it comes from)! LOL!
Till next time,
Luvmyhub