JOURNAL: getting my milk back
Seventeen Weeks, (4 months)
Posted March 8, 2009
Something has changed this week, but I am not sure I can put this in words.
I know I have been saying that, “Just when I think it can’t get any better it does.” Well it just got better again. This time though, I can imagine it getting even better. There is a kind of intimacy, that is all together new to our relationship. Actually, it is new to me personally. This is why I am having a hard time describing it. All I can say is that it is very precious and deep. It is a point where there are no walls between us. We are both vulnerable and emotionally naked. I can look into his eyes and know he has let me inside.
At this point I feel this intimacy only when he is at my bosom. If this was to carry over into the rest of our times together… I could not imagine hiding anything from each other. I have heard of a couple cases, where the intimacy gets to be too deep for someone, and they are scared off from it. I can see now how that is possible. This nakedness… this vulnerability… on both parties part; Can any of us afford to be so well known, and so open to another person?
I am finding that I have to ask this of myself. Is there anything I wish for no one else, not even my mate, to know about me? Can I let him inside me like this?
Then the hardest question; If something was to happen… and we were to be torn apart, could I survive it? If he was to be mean or unfaithful in the slightest way, I believe the pain would be felt deeper then any pain I have ever felt before. What of death? What if I was to be left behind?
Thing is, this vulnerability is going both ways. I can feel his guard going down with my own. Maybe this is why it is even possible… because we are both becoming more naked together.
I am finding my love for him growing. I could never imagine intentionally hurting him. I feel a need to be cautious, so I don’t accidentally give him reason to bolt from what is happening. I also have to watch myself, being aware that I do not back off from this either.
After 25 years of marriage, we have a lot of history. I never imagined that it would be possible to lay the negative and hurtful parts completely down, and be vulnerable again as if they never happened. Even though there has been forgiveness and bitterness has been overcome, trust has been something I have refused to allow back into my heart.
Can we be trusted with such intimacy? I can see that at some point soon, I am going to have to make this decision. If the answer were to be no; then what? Is it possible to continue with bosom love as an aspect of our relationship, and not have the intimacy grow to that point? I have a hard time imagining it being so.
I am finding our relationship as it is, to be such a blessing. The preciousness, the richness, the joy and passion… I believe it is something that very few attain. I don’t want to give up this intimacy. I can not imagine being satisfied with anything less now. Do we really want more? Is more even avoidable, without losing what we have in trying to avoid it?
This is where we are at seventeen weeks. (original post with discussion)
Eighteen Weeks
Posted on: Mar 18, 2009
It is getting harder to postpone bosoming. It is starting to go past “uncomfortable” to “VERY uncomfortable.” I have a high pain threshold, so I won’t say “painful” yet.
Our schedule is the same.
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Morning, 6am weekdays and 7AM-sh weekends
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Lunch time, somewhere between 12:30 and 1:30
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After work, anywhere from 5:30 to 6:30
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Bed time, 10:00 or later
We gave up the 2am after my milk was established. He was tired all day when he wasn’t sleeping through the night, every night. Now that my milk is established, sleeping through the night is usually not a problem. Once in a while it is, and I wake him up. He is a good sport if I do. It happens rarely, so it is not a big deal.
This morning my breasts woke me up at 5:15. There was no going back to sleep for me. He was sleeping so hard, that I couldn’t bare to wake him. I knew the alarm would be going off soon, so I waited it out.
I had drank lots of water yesterday morning, so by lunch time my breast were extremely uncomfortable…OK, they hurt. LOL. We were not even late. I think it was the water I drank. Water makes a big difference for me. I try to drink a glass after every time we bosom. Yesterday morning I was thirsty and kept refilling my glass that I keep by at my desk.
I think he actually got tired of trying to keep up with the milk flow. He had to unlatch and take a deep breath. It accrued to me that it is possible to one day have too much milk. I can hear some of you guys saying out there saying, “No way! Well, I would of thought that was unlikely too. Thing is I don’t have what I would consider a lot of milk. It is nothing compared to when I had babies.
Until we are both retired and have nothing more pressing to do than spend hours a day snuggled together, too much milk can become a problem.
We have done good to carve a couple twenty to thirty minute niches out of our day. Lunch time is often leisurely. Other times though, he has to get back to the office to hit a dead line. After work we have evening activities to prepare for; ball practice, volunteer work, or company coming. If we bosom long in the morning, it makes it too easy to fall back to sleep. If we are tired at bed time falling asleep is again a possibility. Twenty to thirty minutes is ideal for THIS couple, who still works and has school aged children at home.
It is a good thing this is a supply and demand issue, right? Well not exactly. Which is why he would help me out when I had babies. (OK, I am now sure it was more than compassion on his part.) There are days when the milk seems to have a mind of it’s own; like after I drink tons of water. (smile.)
My mate has got this down to an art. He always makes it enjoyable. First he just enjoys the let down and the milk flowing on its own. Before we are through he has kneaded each breast making sure no milk is stubbornly hiding. After all the milk is gone he relaxes a little and keeps suckling a bit, or it has becomes foreplay and… Well, then no one is watching the time or falling asleep. (smile)
Oh for the days when we can just lounge around and not look at the clock… Those days are sure to come too fast. The days we presently live in are really bliss enough. I enjoy my children and the activity around me. I like “sneaking off” and hiding away in our room in the middle of a rush of activity. We come out of our room laughing and run down the stairs ready to get on with our plans.
Wow, it has been four months; a third of a year. Spring is peeking around the corner. Yesterday after school, my daughter put her bathing suit on and tried to catch some sun on the deck. The birds are back. Peepers are in the creek. and the daffodils are up.
I am looking forward to bosoming through the seasons. We have a lovely private balcony off the master bedroom that I plan to put to good use. Family fishing is going to be a trick. We are gone before sun up and home at dark. Oh boy! Any ideas? (original post with comments)
Twenty Weeks
Posted March 29, 2009
I have just a little news.
Our bosoming relationship is still moving intimately deeper and much sweeter. I am a very happy lady. 
I am in my second week of my cycle, so as normal for me… there was an increase of milk the first week. We also noticed a definite increase each time I eat oats, particularly Cheerios. lol. I don’t even care for Cheerios… they taste like cardboard, though fruit helps. I was trying this because I heard it made a difference for someone else. I am happy with my milk supply, but curiosity got the best of me, so I tried it more than a few times. The results were consistent. I realize this could be the oats, or it could be the power of suggestion. There has been no medical reason as to why oats would be a galactalogue. It has though, been handed down through generations as an aid to lactation.
This is silly, but I am becoming fond of my nipples. They look prettier to me, and yummier. I pay particularly close attention to that moment that passes between my mate opening his mouth and my nipple disappearing inside. It sends tingles up my spine, even more so than before.
Immediately prior to release he has this little routine that lasts only moments. I am not sure exactly what he does, but it feels really good and send vibrations south. 
Then as he lets loose, he gently stretches my nipple, reaching the end with a “pop” as it snaps back to my breast. It is so stimulating and sexy, but sad at the same time. Even if I know we are not done; just switching sides… The short routine is like a lusty “good by until later” kiss… arousing, but with a sad note.
Twenty-two Weeks, (5 months)
Posted April 11, 2009Life is good, but it is flying past too fast. Even the minutes we spend bosoming seem to fly by now. One bosoming is running into the next.
There isn’t a significant change in milk quality or quantity, even though I am limiting my calories and losing weight. I am careful to drink lots of water.
I do think my breasts look smaller empty than they use too. This is normal for me. It seems that the first place I lose weight is in my breast. Maybe I just notice it there more. This effect of weight loss has always hampered my incentive to lose weight. I am not endowed with much when my weight is ideal, so I usually compromise and stay on the curvy side. This time I hope to be able to afford less compromising on my weight, because of my lactating breasts.
There have been some very special times the last few weeks. The intimacy during our bosom times is becoming almost surreal. It has been dreamy during those waking up and falling asleep bosomings, but now even the times when I am standing are dreamy.
I am orgasmic more frequently without stimulation, other than my nipples and the highly emotional bliss and connection I feel to him. The love making afterwards is both physically and emotionally intense, and I am inclined to cry happy tears later just thinking about those times.
Humor has always been a part of our relationship. It is a given with my mate. Now to mix this humor with such emotionally intense moments makes it special in a way, that I doubt I can describe.
You probably already know “the girls.” Well, Kerry usually gets to go first, because Kelly needs the extra time to warm up. Kelly has earned her naughty reputation for playing hard to get, but once she gets going she’s hot, and her milk gushes all at once.
When my mate is home for lunch, I usually stand between his knees while he sits on the edge of the bed. This leaves us each of with both hands free for caressing. While Kerry is being suckled, I will often take Kelly and rub her against my mate’s face. Sometimes he will lean his head on Kelly while I hold her there. A couple of times he has gotten milk in his ear. lol.
Lunch time bosoming, more often than not, ends in a hot “nooner.” He accuses Kelly of whispering naughty things in his ear. He will hold her up to his ear and ask, “What did you just say?” Then he will lovingly torment me with multiple orgasms to the point that at I am exhausted. He tells me he couldn’t help himself; Kelly made him do it. She was threatening to withhold milk if he didn’t promise to make Kitty happy. He tells me they are in cahoots with each other.
This may all sound like pure silliness to an outsider, but in our intimate relationship, the smiles it brings are endearing memories I will never forget. (original post with discussion)